My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
