I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
