So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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