You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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