At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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