I will be naked everywhere
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
