Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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