Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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