So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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