Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
