why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
