and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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