Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
