I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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