There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My pussy is not your playground.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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