She is in my trunk
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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