I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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