I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I love having hate sex.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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