WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
A+ Viking dick
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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