walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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