i permit you to call me
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
