This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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