She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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