Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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