Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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