i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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