apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
