I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
