I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize