what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
