Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
