Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
