just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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