Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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