i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
