is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
