Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
