I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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