There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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