girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
