Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize