If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
