At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
