Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.