I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
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Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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