Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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