If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
