i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up