The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.