I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
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In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Sorry about my life...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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