I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
