I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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