My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
