We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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