When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
