i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
