my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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