I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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