then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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