Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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